He needs to know that you are the boss. Is there a father in the picture? Boys need a male authority figue. If there is no father, try to get a friend to help you as it is really important to have that authority figure (male one).
You will need to re-establish some basic rules for your household. Ask him what rules he wants to have and discuss them with him. Come to an agreement and write things down so you can refer back to them.
Then regularly chat about your progress and ammend where necessary. If that seems too hard I can recommend a great program called Total Transformation. A friend of mine has used this program with much success.
You can read up about it if you are interested. It is a step by step program for parents to follow. The guy who invented the program thought it out really well and he has a parental support line so you can ring up and ask advice when you are implementing his strategies.
I hope things change for you soon. Whatever you do, don't do nothing. If you do nothing, nothing will change, it will only get worse. I wish you luck whatever you decide to go.Best advice for an out of control 13 year old boy?
You already have some excellent answers here (along with the usual bad ones) It isn't about ';control'; it is about trust, respect and love.
Stubborn is not necessarily a bad thing. Stubborn can help resist negative peer pressure, stick to ingrained principles, and help him to be his own man.
Unless he's crapping on the floor, he's not doing whatever he wants whenever he wants, so maybe some more information here would be helpful.
If this behavior is also occurring at school, maybe you should enlist their help with any plan you wish to engage.
I so sympyized with you its not even funny. I love how people say its all about being stern, and discpline. Try telling that to my 12 year old son. He is lippy, and disrespectful, pathological liar, a control freak ( he penetrated my five year old less than two weeks ago). They say change his diet ( any healthier he would be eating grass). Change his meds (been done). Have patience, really how much patience can you have when he wont listen, super stubborn, tells you to your face that he hates you and go to h#*!. I am stuck with the step mom label and he does not let me forget how much he loves his real mom that gave up custody of him to his dad for 400 bucks when he was 3 months old. Take him to counseling, he has two of them. His cousler told me there is only so much you can do to help some one that does not want it. Before your health and well being starts to suffor over his unhappiness. He has me constantly angry, and migraines and the whole nine yards. If he gets you so mad you just cant take it tell him go to your room we are not done. Remove your self from the situition , smoke, take a bath, whatever it takes to calm your nerves. Go back and talk to him being very stern TOUGH LOVE, and tell him what you expect out of him. And really cousling would be good for both of you either toghther or seperate. You never know what could be bothering him and if it is resolvable it may get easier. Just remember lots of asprine and time outs for YOU!
Your first line says alot. Stubborn! This is his ingrained nature and how he will remain so you need to work with that and try to find a happy medium. Doing what he wants whenever is not acceptable and unfair on you.
Firstly I think you need to try to get to the core of why he is doing this. Is he feeling some type of anxiety, need to draw attention, does he have a male figure in his life who he can link to, is he being bullied at school or just being a 13 y/o boy who thinks he is a law until his own. My 20 year old son was similar to this and is still stubborn when he wants. My husband (his stepdad) and I had to learn to work with him and not against him (as much as I disliked this at times). As a result we learnt that at times he just needed time out but we never dropped our family values and rules of the house.
Always tell him he is loved and that he can talk to you anytime but only when he is prepared to be nice and listen to you. He needs to understand that families are valuable but like any relationship they need to be worked at and to do that you need to be a TEAM. Also, just a thought maybe try a different form of communicating with him if what you do is not working. My son spoke to me often through texting his emotions as he would get too angry talking them through. By doing this I was able to consider my best approach and that often prevented us arguing and getting out of control. Boys are difficult to raise but hang in there. They are worth it and he will love you just as much on the day you might disagree as the day you agree.
All the best.
Hey, I have to agree, be stronger than he is, show him YOU are in control, and discipline, discipline, discipline. You can't miss a beat. Everytime you let him get away with anything you don't ask, he will get a little stronger. Make sure he knows that whatever you demand, he must comply. Of course, this is only if your demands are reasonable. And don't doubt yourself. For example: My 13 year old son knows he must take the trash out on Monday night. I remind him several times in the late afternoon and early evening. I have woken him up at midnight, because he forgot to take the trash out. Yes, he bitches about it, but he knows he has to do what I ask of him. If I took it out myself, because I didn't want to make him mad and listen to his complaining, then he has already established the fact he doesn't have to do it. Another example: When he leaves on his bike to visit his friend ';Jack';, I tell him, no where else, unless you call me. After about 20 minutes, I call ';Jacks'; house and ask to talk to my son. If he is not there, then I'm in the car, or walking to find him, and he must come home immediately. Even, if he says he went to ';Jacks';, and he wasn't home, so he decided to go to ';Brady's';. If he doesn't call me and tell me where he is other than where he is supposed to be, he's busted.
It's all about ';Tuff Love';, my dear. It's much harder to be a good parent than a loving mom.
Try telling him what is expected of him, and what the consequences will be if he does not follow those expectations. Always still to your discepline schedule and follow through with what you said you would do if he does not follow the expectations. Make the expectations and discepline customed to him. Offer positive reinforcement for listening and doing what he should. Give praise where praise is due. Talk to him, there may be a problem he doesn't want to talk about and needs to.
To 'fix' him would imply that he is broken:0) and I'm sure you don't think he is.
Has he ever been tested for Attention Deficit or Oppositional Defiant Disorder? Sometimes it's just the age...
How long has his behavior been a problem?
Does it affect more than one area of his life?
How are his grades?
These are all things to think about. I sympathize with you. Good Luck.
p.s. In regards to the post that suggested dicipline....You sound like a very caring mom, otherwise you would not be reaching out for some help. Suggesting dicipline is not helpful. I'm sure you're doing the very best you can.
Make him play on a football team so he will be disiplined and he can take anger and he will be burned out of energy
man up and yell at the kid, make him do some yard work, smack him around, trust me, you dont want to see what 18 looks like...
Here is a thought. How about some discipline, seems to work with my kids.
Beat his ***
beat his ***. that will set him straight. and i am 13.
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